


i think i'm losing you (but i will never regret choosing you)

by CrystallizedInsomniac



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12645942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystallizedInsomniac/pseuds/CrystallizedInsomniac
Summary: It takes him a ridiculous amount of time to figure it out, but the signs are all there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the song **Nicole** by Hotel Books.

**01.**

Aura is lying on the floor before a minute has even gone by and it's just— _pathetic._  

 

"Get up, Aura." Urie begins, and then, louder: "Tooru, stop coddling him. If he's man enough he's going to stand up by himself." Because _jesus_ , they've been at this for at least three hours now and it's just not possible that someone can be as incompetent as this— this _boy_ they've sent him. 

 

He knows that the CCG isn't going to send any new quinxs already mastering the control of their kagunes, that's what he — and Yonebayashi and Mutsuki — are here for. But there's a lot to say when Aura's nephew cannot defend himself to save his life, it's just infuriating. 

 

Mutsuki looks at him from his position on the ground, crouched besides Aura's body. His kagune is curling protectively around the both of them. Urie expects him to stand up, walk away, but _of course_ , it seems like no one today is in the mood to follow his orders because Mutsuki simply turns to look at Aura once more.

 

Urie can't pick up whatever it is that they're talking about. His fists tighten.

 

"Get up, Aura." He repeats, colder. He sees the man flinch, barely. " _Now._ "

 

"Maybe he's tired,"  Yonebayashi comments from behind him. She's using Higemaru as a pillow, laying her head on his lap. Hsiao sits besides her. "Kuki, maybe a break."

 

Urie grits his teeth, "He's getting a break when he's managed to knock Tooru down."

 

"Actually," That's Higemaru now speaking and Urie turns to look at him, the light-pink haired man falters slightly but quickly regains his composure. "What I think Ms.Yonebayashi—" Yonebayashi grins, pleased with herself. Urie suspects she's training Higemaru to be her own personal slave, it's not unlikely, "—means is that, um. You, Squad Leader Urie, should take a break."

 

Urie doesn't have to look at each of the new member's faces twice to know that they're all exhausted, even _he's_ starting to feel the weight of the day heavy on his shoulders. Even when sitting down, it's apparent both by odor and sight, the cold sweat gathering on their temples, armpits, all crevices in the human body all signs of their efforts today. He's been ignoring it for a while, you just learn to tune out this sort of thing.

 

The only one unaffected is Yonebayashi— and that's for good reason. Training this whole month has been about knocking him down, and Mutsuki, whenever he's not out of the chateau with another squad. Yonebayashi however, Urie himself has _yet_ to manage that — that is, knocking her down by his own efforts as opposed to her simply sitting down and raising her hands and saying _"I'm down. Can we please eat now?"._

 

He's in no hurry to add her into the mix, the new members have only been with them for at least two months now. 

 

The thing is, Aura isn't even trying. Whereas before he'd been able to at least last five minutes — and this is with Mutsuki not even trying to actively knock him down — the last hour has been nothing but a pathetic display that would've made even Haise Sasaki lose his stupid soft demeanour and calm attitude towards bullshit. It's honestly disgraceful.

 

"I am not going to repeat myself." Urie turns around, to look at the two in front of him and they're not even paying attention to him. Urie watches as Mutsuki goes to touch Aura's arm and the way the other's face visibly colors. Urie activates his kagune, stalks forward. "If you won't knock him down then you're going to knock _me_ down."

 

That's all the warning he gives before he's attacking in their direction, he's not doing it to harm them, no, but as a method to get Mutsuki away from Aura because **—** _because_ otherwise he won't learn to defend himself and—

 

Mutsuki's own kagune meets his, defending both him and Aura. 

 

"Can you—" Mutsuki stands up and whirls around, his kagune is very pointedly blocking Urie from Aura. Mutsuki's moving in such a fashion that for a fleeting second, Urie's body locks up expecting to be knocked down. Of course, that doesn't happen. This isn't Shirazu that's stalking towards him in obvious annoyance, it's Mutsuki. He's never hurt him, not physically at least. "— _stop_ that?"

 

Urie scowls, very carefully tilts his head downwards to look at Mutsuki's clearly upset face. "No."

 

Mutsuki bristles and Urie quells down the— well, he's not sure what it is, at least not enough to name it. But he pushes it down, _deep_ down. His eyes briefly flicker to the open palm splayed on his chest. It is oddly cool to the touch and it causes his arms to erupt in goosebumps. Mutsuki pushes, and Urie— distracted, _fuck—_ actually has to take a step back.

 

Mutsuki pushes again, Urie doesn't budge an inch. " _What is your problem?_ "

 

"My problem," he begins explaining. His eyes never once leaving Mutsuki's own, unrelenting and unbudging, "Is that he's not going to learn with you praising him (for his shitty fuckups)."

 

Incredulous, Mutsuki's anger falters. "I'm not praising him."

 

Urie scoffs, retreats his kagune. Mutsuki does not do the same thing. " _Of course not_."

 

Mutsuki snaps then, "You're being too hard on them!"

 

"Being hard on them is what's going to save their lives!"

 

"No," Mutsuki argues, "Teamwork is what's going to save their lives."

 

" _Teamwork—"_ He stresses the word, hissing it out, "—didn't save Ginshi." The way Mutsuki and Yonebayashi flinch, he doesn't miss it. "(So don't you dare tell me that I'm in the wrong here.) He will learn to stand his ground." The _I can't lose another member_ isn't lost on them. 

 

There's a deafening silence in the training room now, and it's only when he concentrates on what's happening right now that he realizes that he had raised his voice. His body is shaking in barely suppressed— _something_ , he's not going to think about it. But he's shaking and his vision seems blurry and—

 

—Mutsuki's hand falls from where it's been, a constant pressure on his chest. It falls down and the coldness of it, the fact that it's missing, that's what makes him snap back into it.  He watches as Mutsuki's own kagune retreats. 

 

His eyes scan the room and he finds Saiko quickly ushering out Hsiao and Higemaru out of the gym, they're not looking at him. Urie feels something akin to embarrassment settle low in his gut, his eyes flicker off to the back, where Aura is now standing up. 

 

It occurs to Urie that this is the first time he's seen the man's eyes, they are wide but they do not hold fear. He's not sure why this leaves him disappointed.  He opens his mouth to tell him to get out, to leave, to _stop wasting space with your presence_ but there must be something in his gaze that alerts Mutsuki to this because before Urie can even get a word out, Mutsuki's turns around and says;

 

"Shinsanpei, it'd be best if you left." Mutsuki says and Urie watches as the dark-haired male's shoulders droop slightly. Mutsuki catches this, because he quickly adds: "We need to clean up here anyways, and I'm sure it's your turn to cook anyways right?"

 

Aura nods, "I— _yes._ "

 

Urie wants to be petty, say something like; _He can't cook for shit_. He doesn't know how Aura's cooking skills are, though. 

 

"I'll help out once we're done here." Mutsuki says. Aura's lips twitch, just the barest hint of a smile before he's bowing profusely.

 

"I'll be out then," Aura mumbles and begins walking, before going out though, he stops and turns. He falters for a second, not having expected to find that Urie's still looking at him before bowing again. "Squad Leader Urie."

 

Urie doesn't acknowledge him.

 

Once he leaves, Mutsuki sighs. "I'd appreciate it if you treated Shinsanpei better."

 

 _Shinsanpei?_ Urie thinks sourly, _oh so you're o_ _n first-name basis now?_

 

Mutsuki frowns — it's become a much more common face nowadays, Urie doesn't remember the last time he'd seen him laugh or smile — and then actually crosses his arms, as if he's disappointed with Urie but his stance says everything but. "Yes, he asked me to call him by his first name."

 

And _fuck._

 

"I'd appreciate it he put more effort into it." He says instead of defending himself because in all honesty? Mutsuki wouldn't believe him anyways. He doesn't go out of his way to make the new member's lives horrible, he simply has no time or interest to do that. Yonebayashi is also proof that there's not point in doing that, you can't force someone into doing something. It's not like he wants to be mean to them, but he's also Squad Leader now and if anything were to happen to any of them, it'd be his fault.

 

He knows that the only reason he became more mean and cold is because by that point Aura just wasn't concentrated and Urie can pinpoint the exact moment it had happened, he simply chose to ignore it. Now though? It was just ridiculous. 

 

"Kuki," Mutsuki sighs, turns to face him. His eyes are closed and this... this is what makes Urie truly see just how tired Mutsuki is. He knows that if he were to look in a mirror this is what would greet him back. What would greet Yonebayashi back. "I would like to have dinner with my family, like old times—"

 

_You wouldn't have to ask me for it. You could have it, everyday. But you left, you decided to leave._

 

"—And that means no tension on the table. I already have enough with the pissing contests between Hachikawa's squad and the others." Mutsuki opens his eye, looks at Urie's deadpoint. "Can you _please_ , give me that?"

 

Urie bites the inside of his cheek as a way to keep himself in check because the way his heartbeat suddenly skyrocketed? Yeah, no. "(I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.) Fine."

 

Mutsuki smiles then, it's small and tired, but it's still a smile nonetheless and it looks genuine enough that Urie's sure that the flush on his face must be visible. Then, to Urie's surprise, Mutsuki actually reaches out and takes his hand in his. Urie's eyes widen momentarily at the touch, but just as it comes it goes.

 

He frowns, looking at the piece of paper that Mutsuki's left on his hand, but doesn't get to say anything because Mutsuki steps aside and says; "Saiko, let's go." and then Urie remembers that they're not alone. His traitorous heart decides to bump more blood up to his face because his face feels hot all of the sudden, not warm like before.

 

"I'll catch up with you in a sec," Yonebayashi says, "I think I left my console somewhere around here."

 

"Hmm, I'll see you in the living room then." Mutsuki leaves after that. Urie hasn't moved from his spot, very conscious of Yonebayashi's presence just behind him. She's staring at him. 

 

"Hey," Saiko says after a moment, her tone soft yet serious. "Mucchan isn't going to be long, maybe we shouldn't fight."

 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, counts to ten. Wants to say that _I wasn't_   _fighting with him, we were just disagreeing_ but even that sounds like bullshit to him, so instead he sighs and settles with; "Yeah, okay." 

 

"I'm serious." She says, "No fighting."

 

Urie whirls around, ready to repeat himself but Yonebayashi sighs, that stops him. He squints at her. "What."

 

"Arguing is so stressful," she whines, "you'll get wrinkles. I'm going to have to make Higemaru the pretty boy of my manga then."

 

 _What?_ Urie's not sure if he's supposed to say something here yet.

 

Yonebayashi continues; "So don't. Just stay pretty, unnecessary stress is no longer welcome in this household." 

 

Urie decides then — as he watches Saiko exit the gym — that he's not going to comment on anything more. Instead, he looks at the piece of paper in his hand. It's folded.

 

When he unfolds it, he sees a grocery list. He figures it's for tonight's dinner.

 

He's not sure if Mutsuki gave it to him to have him out of the chateau for at least half an hour or if it's because this has become a _thing_.

 

Urie doesn't think about it much. He decides to take that time to clear his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically i procrastinated on my stuff, like always. at least it's late as opposed to it being never updated ever again. anyways, don't look too close into the timeline this is set in?? just enjoy it for what it is:
> 
> a fic where the author vaguely cherrypicks the canon in order to get shit done. just in case, the aura and urie scene takes place at least two days after the clown seige, however, urie and higemaru did not encounter donato.

**02.**

“Did you know,” Yonebayashi’s licking the back of the spoon like it’s a life or death situation. They’ve attracted the expected amount of stares from curious passerbies ever since she took out the Nutella jar and began to eat it like it is a completely normal thing to do.

 

She’s been at it for a while, eating the whole jar that is, and Urie’s not sure what to make of the fact that he stopped reading like ten minutes ago to watch in morbid fascination as she assaulted the poor spoon. 

 

Urie waits a moment, until she has the thing out of her mouth before quirking an eyebrow, motioning her to continue.

 

“Shinsanpei’s planning on transferring to another squad.” She points the spoon at him. Urie blinks.

 

“Yeah, okay.” He scoffs, watches as Yonebayashi licks the spoon once more before diving in again into the almost-empty jar. When she starts to scrape the sides, tongue sticking out between her teeth in concentration he averts his gaze.

 

“No, like, as in he’s actually planning on doing that.” Yonebayashi explains herself.

 

Urie hears the click of the spoon against her teeth, he avoids from looking again. Tries to concentrate on the book Tooru gave him Before That, but finds his attention being drawn to the nearby field where Hsiao is thoroughly beating Higemaru’s ass in football without breaking a sweat.

 

He finds himself smiling, just slightly. Today’s just the four of them out, because Yonebayashi’s gotten sentimental all of the sudden after their last mission and Urie’s not much of a dick to deny her this. He’s gotten better at it, he likes to think, the whole— being considerate thing. He also doesn’t like the silence anymore so his kindness comes from selfish reasons as well.

 

Yonebayashi had been off after they had regrouped on their last mission, and it wasn’t until Hsiao had explained her sudden mood that Urie understood why. He kept his comments to himself, because killing comes with the job description and they’re… they’re not _them_. It’s different. But either he’s easy to read or Yonebayashi has come to find speaking up easier now, because she had grabbed unto his hand and while she hadn’t cried or done anything of the sorts, the defeated tone of voice in which she had spoken had been more than enough.

 

_“That could’ve been us. We could’ve been born to be them, you know?” And then she had eyed Aura, Higemaru and Hsiao, “They’re so young.”_

 

So now they’re here, outside in a public park enjoying what they often don’t do, because they’re investigators and it doesn’t come with the job description. Urie doesn’t mind this small break to be honest, so he brought a book with him, figured that he’d take this time to finish it and talk about it with Mutsuki later.

 

“Is that why he’s not here?” He asks her and is somewhat surprised when she shakes her head no. He doesn’t bother asking the members for their whereabouts, so when Aura had simply been gone all morning Urie had made no comment about it. The fact that Yonebayashi seems to know the reason to his absence rubs him wrong. “So he told you?”

 

Yonebayashi sighs, caps the now empty jar and hands it over to Urie. He throws it on the small waste-basket they brought with them. “No, I _asked_ him.”

 

“And?” He presses on. He’s not actively trying to not know anything about Aura, Urie knows firsthand what an unhealthy relationship does to a group dynamic so he’s been more patient with him, and he’s pretty proud to admit that so far it’s worked. Aura is decent, just uncoordinated.

 

“He’s visiting his aunt.” She says, doesn’t elaborate further than that. Urie nods and feels something loosening up inside him, it is unexpected and leaves him feeling confused for a second because he’s not sure where the tension had even come from.

 

(Liar.)

 

“Well,” Urie says after a minute or so of silence, playing with the corner of one of the pages on the book— previously bent— “He hasn’t brought it up with me.”

 

Yonebayashi shrugs. “He didn’t say anything to me either, I just happened to hear him talk to Mucchan about it.”

 

“Ah.” That’s fine. “So you were eavesdropping.”

 

Yonebayashi leans until she’s lying down on the blanket underneath them. She’s been cutting her hair lately, trying to figure at what length to stop. It’s weird, seeing her change her looks, but it’s not as weird as when Shirazu had decided to shave off his whole head.

 

“It’s not eavesdropping, my hearing just happen to be sensitive.”

 

Urie scoffs, “Right.”

 

“Mhh,” Yonebayashi hums, looks at him, “No comment then?”

 

Urie shrugs. “If he wants to transfer, all he has to do is show up with the paperwork.”

 

 

—

 

 

Aura walks in into his office exactly two days after their latest mission. He doesn’t talk about what happened, that’s what debriefings are for, and anyways, he spent the big majority of his time locked up in his bedroom.

 

Even so, when Urie hears the knock on his office door, he doesn’t need to detect Aura’s smell to know it’s him. Urie tells him to come in, Aura closes the door behind him.

 

“Squad Leader Urie,” Aura bows and Urie looks up from the paperwork in his desk. He’s been reviewing the reports of the Clown Siege. Aura’s wearing comfortable clothing, but stands in place like he’s at the CCG being examined by his superiors, so it throws Urie off a bit. He has in hand a thick folder.

 

He keeps trying to get used to Aura’s need to act so polite around him, but if he’s being honest he doesn’t particularly like it.

 

“Do you need anything?” Urie asks, very pointedly staring at the folder. Aura, instead of talking, walks up to his desk — he’s barefoot, Urie notices — and places the folder there.

 

Urie looks at him and then looks at the folder. Aura takes a step back, puts distance between him and the desk and patiently waits for Urie’s input.

 

And the thing is, even as he opens the folder and skims through the pages, he already knows what it is. Recalls that conversation he had with Yonebayashi a while back. He just hadn’t thought she was being serious or that in the case that she was, that Aura just wouldn’t go with it. But lo and behold here it is.

 

Urie leaves Aura standing there without saying anything for so long that Aura’s firm posture starts to waver, and it’s only when the man opens his mouth to say something that Urie speaks.

 

“As far as I’m aware,” Urie begins, not at all warm, “No one in Suzuya’s squad is qualified to handle a Q’s training. Therefore I can’t grant y—“

 

“—Tooru Mutsuki has agreed to be my mentor.” Aura cuts in suddenly, voice firm and strong. Urie feels his heart stop just barely at the mention of Mutsuki’s name. The remaining words trail shortly after and he has to snap his mouth shut because otherwise something thoughtless might come out.

 

It happens a lot now, when Mutsuki is involved.

 

Aura continues, interpreting Urie’s silence for what it isn’t. A motion for him to continue on; “I don’t wish to sound ungrateful, Squad Leader Urie, but I’m not getting closer-"

 

“I didn’t ask you for your reasoning.” Urie snaps, laces his fingers together. Squeezes until the leather of his gloves creak. “And, even if I were, you wouldn’t be completely honest with me.”

 

Aura flinches, “I’m sorry?”

 

“Everyone in the CCG has personal motivations,” Urie begins, trying to cool down, “No one decides to put their lives on the line without a reason.” He leans forward on the desk, debates for a second if he should do this, but it’s killing him, the curiosity.  “I’m asking you now, not as your Squad Leader, but as a man. Aura, is there another reason aside from that of capturing Haise Sasaki that is leading you to join another Squad under Tooru Mutsuki’s mentorship?”

 

Aura’s face flushes, but his mouth draws into a thin line. “With all due respect, that is none of your business.”

 

Urie’s face mirrors Aura. Displeased, but not flushed with embarrassment. His mouth tastes sour. He wants Aura out of his office.

 

“Squad Leader Urie—“

 

“Just to be clear,” Urie ignores him, “ _Tooru_ has agreed to sign these. It wasn’t something that was brought up in a conversation as a suggestion.”

 

Aura shakes his head and squares his shoulders, one hand brushes aside his bangs and his eyes hold no hesitation when he says; “Mutsuki-sensei was actually the one that offered.” And then places his finger on the paperwork laid out on Urie’s desk. It’s a practiced move and it certainly does not go unnoticed by Urie. “He’s already signed.”

 

He wonders just for how long the man has spent imagining this scenario— the two of them in his office trying to upbeat one another, because there’s no other way to categorize whatever the hell this is. It’s obviously a contest.

 

Which is why he doesn’t break eye contact with Aura. “You aren’t here for my agreement. You’re here for my signature.” Because if Aura wanted his agreement, he would’ve come up to Urie and talked to him about it, instead of going to their superiors, instead of somehow — and Urie’s under no illusion that Aura managed all of this on his own, not with his rank — involving Mutsuki on all of this.

 

Because Urie’s sure, a hundred percent, that Mutsuki didn’t simply decide this out of the blue, not after Rushima. There had to be something that happened, something that made him decide to take on the burden of being a mentor.

 

Aura nods, straight to the point. “Yes.”

 

He’s not going to let his personal feelings get in the way. Tells himself that if Aura is with Mutsuki he might have a more reliable source of information since Mutsuki has been distant, more than ever. Stopped sleeping in the chateau, and when he does he usually leaves before anyone can notice.

 

Tells himself, as he signs the papers and tells Aura to get out of his office, that he can’t do anything about it. All he can do is take advantage of what he’s been given.

 

Urie thinks of one occasion when Aura had managed to spill coffee on his lap, and Urie had been all but seething and angry the rest of the day, thinking about how he couldn’t help but want to be rid of the bother that is Aura.

 

Once, this might’ve been the case. But now? Now it feels like he’s losing, and the infuriating thing is that he doesn’t know what he’s losing at.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is not dead, my general writing inspiration is, however. this is the longest chapter to date, take it as an apology for not having updated this in 9 months.

**03.**

“You _still_ reek of paint,” apparently no one’s told Yonebayashi that you _knock_ on a door before entering. It doesn’t matter, since he smelled her a minute or so before she walked into the room. Something like raspberry.

 

Urie follows her movements through the mirror, one hand placed on the tie he’s trying to fix, and watches as she kicks aside some of the empty paint tubes scattered on the ground. She also left the door open.

 

A part of him wants to warn her against doing that — even though they’re empty, the dress she’s wearing drags across the floor and it’s bound to pick up some of the _still_ wet paint clinging to the outside of the tubes — but just as that feeling comes, it goes. He’s not in a very good mood, to say the least.

 

With nothing to say, he goes back to staring at himself on the mirror. Just out of his field of vision, he can _hear_ Yonebayashi pulling aside the blankets on the canvases he still has out. “Don’t touch those.”

 

She scoffs, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” But even then, Urie knows she’s stopped trying to pry under the blankets. He hears the telltale sound of his mattress dipping as weight is placed on it. “Shower.”

 

He grits his teeth. His eyes flicker to the side, she’s not even looking at him. “I did.”

 

“Shower again.” Her lips thin out, glossy lipstick disappearing in the process.

 

“We’re already running late,” Urie shoots her a look when she opens her mouth to comment on it, but she quickly shuts her lips, although the smug little smile on her face still remains, much to his annoyance. “No one will be able to tell anyways.”

 

“I will,” she whines.

 

“You should be used to it by now.” He says softly as he finishes tying up and fixing his tie. He takes one hard look at himself in the mirror even though he knows it’s useless. Three times, four times, seven times. It’s not going to change.

 

He doesn’t know if his face gives anything away, but a moment or so later, Yonebayashi steps up next to him. She’s much, much shorter than he is, but tonight she reaches around his chest thanks to the heels hidden underneath the black dress she’s wearing.

 

There’s a thin line running down her left leg that reveals just the slightest amount of skin, stark pale against the dark fabric. The dress is subtly sensual.

 

It’s weird, to be honest. Not that it’s inheritably bad — it’s probably the third or so time that he’s seen Yonebayashi dolled up — since her hair looks nice, a short wavy bob of blue that compliments her simple makeup. It’s just that he’s so used to seeing her wear casual clothes most of the time, or her uniform.

 

“You look fine, stop worrying.” Yonebayashi says, voice so low he almost thinks he imagined it. She links his arms with hers, “smell notwithstanding.”

 

Except he doesn’t look fine. Sure, the three-piece suit he’s wearing is tailored to fit him in a way that accentuates all of his best assets, and his hair is slicked back and he looks sharp, he looks dangerous. But, there’s the little things that Yonebayashi can’t see. The things he can see.

 

He doesn’t want to go.

 

He has to go.

 

(He keeps trying so hard lately, he doesn’t want to—)

 

“I guess.” He says after the silence has become unbearable. He doesn’t know what it is with today. The minute he woke up that morning he’s been feeling out of it, the paintings on the easels are proof of it. It seems so obvious to him, the disarray in his actions.

 

He wants to ask Yonebayashi if she can tell — she’s observant, he’s noticed — but before he can he catches a whiff of three different aromas coming closer to them before the sound of soft voices and that of steps start registering on his ears.

 

Sure enough, behind them at the opened door stand Hsiao — with a dress similar to Yonebayashi’s in color but showing less skin — and Higemaru in a suit as well — his eyes are also taking in every single cranny of Urie’s room and even from the distance Urie can tell the man is going to be begging him later to see one of his paintings.

 

Hsiao makes eye contact with him through the mirror, cocks her head just the slightest bit. “You two make a cute couple.”

 

Yonebayashi smirks and turns around, taking Urie with her. She presses herself closer to his side and Urie has to fight off the warmness that threatens to crawl up his neck and up to his face when Yonebayashi smugly says; “It’s easy when you’re hot.”

 

Higemaru’s eyes snap to the duo, finally content with what he’s seen of Urie’s room and gives the both of them an appreciative look from head to toe. “Power couple.”

 

Urie squints. Yonebayashi snickers.

 

Hsiao brings a hand to her mouth as if it’s going to muffle her next comment when there’s four genetically enhanced individuals in the room — and even then Urie can clearly see the shit-eating smirk on her lips as she says; “Makes you wish they’d step on you.”

 

“You only have to ask,” Yonebayashi winks and Urie fights the urge to facepalm at whatever is going on.

 

Higemaru opens his mouth to say—something idiotic probably and Urie feels it just to step in and stop the nonsense. He cuts him off. “Don’t.”

 

The pink-haired man shrugs, although the amused look remains on his face. “Sure thing, Squad Leader Urie.”

 

Yonebayashi takes a step forward and tugs on Urie’s arm to walk with her. If he’s honest with himself, he’d really rather stay here. Yonebayashi isn’t giving him an option.

 

“You two go ahead, we’ll meet you out front.” Yonebayashi waves lazily with her free hand to the other two, and Urie’s not surprised to see them comply with her orders right away.

 

He has a feeling—no. He knows that Higemaru would kiss the very ground she walks on if Yonebayashi implied it. Hsiao is a different matter. “They don’t obey me like they do you.”

 

Yonebayashi gives him a soft smile, and with the arm linked with his gives his arm a little tap with her manicured hand. “It’s not about obeying, you wouldn’t get it.”

 

He doesn’t even bother replying, he knows she’s right.

 

“Now c’mon, let’s go make small talk with our superiors.” Yonebayashi sounds too excited about the whole idea, Urie wonders when the roles reversed.

 

 

—

 

 

Once every two years, the CCG holds a party for all members of the organization. Despite having been part of the CCG as an Investigator for more than three years now, this is his first time attending the event.

 

Before, he hadn’t seen the need to attend it — after all, he gained nothing from it as the party was not on the workplace side, but more of a gathering to celebrate the on growing eradication of Ghouls in Japan — but now that he’s here… he hates it.

 

It has nothing to do with the fact that the food is disgusting — although that is on him — or that the new investigators have been trying to strike conversation with him for the past half-hour. He’s a bit irritated that the night isn’t _tolerable_ because four drinks in with an empty stomach isn’t getting him drunk.

 

He’s not even _tipsy_. Yonebayashi on the other hand has been downing drinks since she arrived given the fact that she’s made herself a spot next to the drinks table.

 

The ballroom the event is held on is big enough and full of people from the different wards, big enough that somewhere along the first ten minutes of them arriving, he’s managed to lose scent of Hsiao.

 

That’s how Kuki Urie finds himself on a Saturday night — arms crossed as he watches people walk past him, far enough from Yonebayashi and her food hoarding so that he won’t be associated with her despite her calling his name every other ten minutes but close enough that he doesn’t lose track of her and Higemaru, who’s been dancing with anyone that passes by him.

 

He’s amusing himself by watching the pink-haired man mess up and accidentally stepping on a woman’s foot that he almost misses the head of green hair that’s quickly making its way across the sea of dancing couples.

 

He hesitates, not sure if he should move. It’s been at least five months since they’ve all heard from Mutsuki. He’s debating on it when the smell hits him, he grits his teeth and goes after him.

 

It doesn’t take Urie long to spot Mutsuki amongst the crowd, and it’s not because he’s of the few people with green hair in the room— it’s because he’s wearing a _white_ suit.

 

Urie halts on the spot, distantly aware that someone just bumped into him. He only has a view of Mutsuki’s backside, but even then he can already tell that what he’s wearing fits him in a way that will never fit him. Mutsuki’s shoulders move up and down with laughter that Urie barely catches.

 

His eyes trail from Mutsuki to the person in front of him, and finds to his annoyance that it’s Aura. It takes him a moment to realize that they came together.

 

Hsiao and Higemaru probably knew.

 

Yonebayashi definitely knew.

 

Urie’s thinking about turning back, acting as if he hadn’t spotted the two of them. But then Aura tells Mutsuki something and walks away, getting lost amongst the crowd, and before Urie can turn around and leave, Mutsuki turns around and catches him.

 

His face does _something_ — Urie can’t tell, too lost feeling like stone. Mutsuki walks towards him, confidence radiating off of him in thick waves that threaten to drown him. Urie can’t breathe.

 

(He can’t).

 

“I thought I recognized the smell,” Is what Mutsuki says once he’s in front of Urie.

 

Urie remembers waking up this morning feeling out of it, this might have been the reason. It takes his brain a couple of seconds to process what Mutsuki says, and when it does, he asks, sounding a little bit lost; “What?”

 

“The paint,” Mutsuki says and Urie remembers Yonebayashi’s comment, “Give or take the whole day.”

 

He closes his eyes, counts to ten. Opens them. “Is it that noticeable?”

 

Mutsuki laughs, softly. “It’s not bad, if that’s what you mean. It’s… you.” Which, Urie will take it as a compliment. Mutsuki gives him a onceover, “You look… ah, sharp.”

 

He ducks his head. “You too.”

 

“Thank you.” Mutsuki anwers, eye flickering off to the side momentarily, “Higemaru has been dancing all night long, I noticed. Didn’t see you though—“

 

Urie thinks, _then that means that what I was doing was working._

 

“—ant to sit down?” Mutsuki asks, nodding his head to a spot that’s not as crowded. Urie looks towards it, sucks in a breathe.

 

“Actually,” he begins, taking Mutsuki’s hand in his, “Let’s dance?”

 

Mutsuki’s eyebrows go up briefly, clearly surprised at the request. “I’m not much of a dancer.”

 

“(I can teach you) I’ll lead.”

 

“What if I step on your toes?” Mutsuki jokes, but even then he’s stepping closer to Urie and placing one hand on his shoulder. Urie moves his hand to Mutsuki’s waist.

 

“(They’ve been playing slow songs) you’ll be fine.” Urie gives him a little smile, and then they get into the rhythm of things.

 

A minute in and Urie realizes that he wasn’t joking. Mutsuki’s stepped on his feet so many times by now that Urie’s gotten used to it. He figures it’s worth it, especially because this is the perfect time to get information about Mutsuki’s day to day life.

 

And that’s what they do, _talk_. They fall back into the same easy routine from before, although it’s mostly Urie talking since Mutsuki keeps deviating the questions Urie asks him to him again. He can’t even find it in himself to be annoyed, it’s been so long since he’s been so close to Mutsuki.

 

He’s been telling him about Hsiao beating the crap out of him the other day at the gym on a sparring match when he notices that Mutsuki’s no longer paying attention to him, but at his hair.

 

“What?” He asks, not sure if the feeling he has on his chest is annoyance at being stared at. He’s already mortified about the smell of paint.

 

“Just,” Mutsuki begins, eye flicking up to his hair, “your hair. It’s longer. Your undercut is almost gone.”

 

His heart leaps, his cheeks feel warm. “(I’m a mess) Your eye is working.”

 

Mutsuki rolls his eye, but the smile on his lips says he’s not offended. “You’re letting it grow out.”

 

“(I can’t cut it) You’re cutting your hair short,” He says, trying to ignore the turmoil of feelings he’s going through right now. He’s not drunk. The alcohol isn’t even affecting him. After a moment though, he says; “It’s also lighter.”

 

Why does he feel so weird that Mutsuki noticed?

 

Mutsuki’s lips part slightly, one of his hands move up to play with a strand of hair, “Ah, I didn’t think it was that obvious.”

 

“May I?” Mutsuki says even though he’s already running his hands through Urie’s hair — breaking up the gel hold. As if Urie would tell him no. As if he even had to ask.

 

Mutsuki’s concentrated — lips slightly parted as he works his hands through Urie’s hardwork from earlier — and his gaze above Urie’s forehead means that the dark-skinned male doesn’t notice Urie looking at him intensely, taking in every single detail of his face as if it might be the last time.

 

Mutsuki’s wearing makeup, Urie notices. The dark circles under his eyes are barely covered by the concealer he’s applied— it’s too light. He recalls a conversation regarding it, although Mutsuki hadn’t been talking to him at the time. He was mostly complaining about not being able to find foundation that matched his skin tone in Japan to Yonebayashi.

 

Then as soon as Mutsuki takes his hand away, Urie’s vision is blocked by a couple of black strands of hair covering his vision. Mutsuki sweeps them to the side, careful. Smiling softly. “There.”

 

Urie huffs, “Is it your intention to make me look like an idiot?” It comes out soft, softer than he wanted it too.

 

“Maybe.” Mutsuki sets his hand back on Urie’s shoulder, steps closer. “You don’t seem to mind.”

 

Urie clicks his tongue, looks away. He can feel the slight tremors of Mutsuki’s body as he chuckles. He spots Yonebayashi playing on her game console off to the side, Higemaru with a tray of grapes to her side. Urie has enough common sense to look away from the scene before he has to witness _that_.

 

When he does though, he catches sight of Aura staring straight at him. Straight at _them_.

 

Urie’s always been of the selfish kind, so if he takes delight in the way the man seems to be fuming from across the room, well, then only he knows. He doesn’t know how long he stays staring at the other man, all he knows is that he snaps out of it when Mutsuki squeezes his shoulder.

 

“You should leave it like that.” Mutsuki says the moment Urie looks back at him. Urie’s aware of the music coming to an end, an invitation to dance the other song at the tip of his tongue interrupted when Mutsuki drops his hands and takes a step back.

 

“This was nice.” He says.

 

“You’re leaving.” It’s not a question, Urie can tell that it’s what’s about to happen with the way Mutsuki seems to have closed himself off just the smallest amount.

 

Before, Mutsuki would’ve shrugged sheepishly, stuttered out an excuse or apology. Before is not the Mutsuki that stands in front of him. Instead, he gets a soft tone of voice from the man, as if he’s going to be hurt if the news is delivered in anything _but_.

 

“Yes,” he confirms, turning his head slightly to the side. Urie follows the motion, watches as Aura walks up to the two of them. “We only came for a little bit.”

 

“(Stay the night) I see.” He tries to keep a neutral face when Aura steps right next to Mutsuki.

 

“First Class Investigator Urie,” Aura barely looks at him before his attention is focused on Mutsuki. “Mutsuki-sensei?”

 

“We can go now.” Mutsuki answers, waits until Aura turns around before giving Urie a look. “For what it’s worth, it was nice talking to you again.”

 

Urie remains silent, Mutsuki continues; “Until next time.” And then promptly turns around.

 

It’s not until he watches their retreating backs disappear behind the ballroom’s doors that he recalls what Mutsuki had said.

 

_You should leave it like that._

 

He registers Yonebayashi’s presence next to him. She lets out a low whistle. “God, you’re whipped.”

 

Urie takes a deep breath, tries to ignore the receding warmth on the spots of his body where Mutsuki touched him.

 

_Fuck._

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me over at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/genhuxsolo)


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